I had one of those days today. Planned to get up & go for a walk along the beach with Harry. It’s good for the both of us, gets us out of the house & it’s always been something good for me to do to clear my head when everything else is hectic (not necessarily hectic, just seems hectic).
Not today. I woke up with a brick on my chest, it’s hard to explain to someone that doesn’t have anxiety what it actually feels like, but sometimes the best way I can describe it is a heavy feeling on my chest. I haven’t been this happy in years, my family, even my friends have noticed. It doesn’t matter. Some days it just needs to remind me it hasn’t gone anywhere.
I have absolutely nothing to feel anxious about but on days like this everything seems impossible. It’s never been a specific time of my life as in if I’m happy or sad, it just pops up when I least expect it.
So the walk along the beach seemed impossible today, the thought of doing everything I had to do before I could leave the house felt like the hardest thing to do when on other days it would be the simplest. Harry was grizzly & needy so that didn’t help the situation. I just thought it would be easier to lay in bed. So I did. For 4 hours until I finally got up & had a shower.
I still hadn’t had breakfast at this point (1pm) & ask anyone that’s close to me how dangerous this situation can be (lol) Tom quote “Iv never met someone that hunger can alter their mood this much” I can’t help it, I can’t function & everything becomes seemingly difficult!! So on top of feeling like a walk down the street felt like a marathon I was also now starving.
I had thoughts of, ‘I don’t have to go if I don’t want, I could just get back into bed and cuddle Harry’ ‘It was a tough night, I have every right to stay in bed’. But no, that wouldn’t be good for me or Harry either. I finally got my sh*t together by 1.30 & walked down the street. It’s never as daunting as I think it’s going to be on days like this. The thought is so much worse.
So I may sound crazy, but when anxiety hits, out of no where like a slap in the face, small tasks become huge ones, for absolutely no apparent reason. This is anxiety.
It’s amazing what a coffee, food & fresh air can do. I pretty much skipped home. Oh & I bumped into a man walking two lizards on a leash so that kind of made my day.